I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
