i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
