one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
it's like heaven, but drunker
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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