rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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