I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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