I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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