I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
