Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i love accidental penises.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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