At least make sure they are 18
Why
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
