I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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