this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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