SEEEEXXX PLEASE
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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