So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
