I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
