What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
