my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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