Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
