if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
