I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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