By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
