i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Drunk is not a location!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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