i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
