we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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