When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
