I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
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