I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
