this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
