You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
