Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
