So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
