he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
