i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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