24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
