I seem to have left my pride at pride
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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