i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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