So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
vagina is talking i cant
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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