so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
