She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
wow bdsm is so cute
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
