You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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