Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
