As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
