the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I need a burrito and a hug.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
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