Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
