I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
