her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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