Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
