I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
