Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
