last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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