And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
